


Blackout Season

by Emnova



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angels, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blackmail, Blackouts, Darkness, Depression, Eventual Levi/Eren Yeager, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gay For You, Heaven, Implied Sasha Blouse/Connie Springer, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Jean Is A Little Shit, Love sucks, M/M, Marco Is a Little Shit, Mild Smut, Ouija, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexual Abuse, Spirits, Suicidal Thoughts, Unrequited Love, Warnings May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-28
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:49:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6052222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emnova/pseuds/Emnova
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a story of two lovers<br/>and a whole lot of pain<br/>where its crippling hell<br/>and the blackouts don't help<br/>and the blackness...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> *ATTENTION* This is not a smut fic, its an au with an actual plot. This will be a fluffy and very angsty fic about two lovin dweebs in a very unfortunate situation ;-; anyways just letting you know :) Feedback is very appreciated and Marco loves you bye
> 
> also I will typically try to update on Wednesday, Friday, and sometimes Sunday. Thanks!

“You’re going to hate me if I tell you”  
“I won’t… I promise. Marco… I could never hate you. Ever.”  
“You will when you hear THIS”  
“Marco…”  
“Jean! Don’t deny it. It’ll only hurt more…”  
“Please.”  
Marco was at the brink of tears. It wasn’t the rain, it wasn’t what had happened, it was him. His feelings. His fault… right? Jean sat on the bunk bed with face in his hands, almost shaking. He didn’t want to fight… I can’t I can’t I can’t… what have I gotten myself into? Marco thought. He faced the wall, leaning against it and breaking the silence with a creaking floorboard.  
“Jean Kirstein… I’m in love with you.”  
Jeans cheeks burned and stung with feeling. Adrenaline coursed through his veins… How did I get here? Jean was behind him. Marcos heart stung as he felt a cold hand on his shoulder. However, He never could have predicted what would come next.

The hand gripped his waist, placing a kiss on his neck, shedding a tear on his shoulder. Blood rushed through his head, his heart, and… well… down below. “J-Jean…” he whimpered in the hot atmosphere. Marco turned around and began to speak, but was cut off by the others soft lips, like cotton candy. Marco’s mind was bursting, and he couldn’t move. Between breaths, soft kisses, and nonsensical words, Jean and Marco shuddered at the touch of each other’s bodies. Jean pressed Marco to the floor, straddling him. By then, Marco was shirtless and defenseless on the floor. The room was growing hotter with each second. 

As much as Marco wanted to fuck Jean right then and there, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. I can’t be selfish… Jean paused, scanning Marco’s freckled torso, a pleasured, begging look in his eyes. With another passionate kiss, their tongues entwined as well as their bodies, sweaty and filled with lust for each other. Jean rolled over, taking the other boy with him, so that he was now on the bottom. Jean hastily removed his white button-down shirt, fumbling with his hands as Marco took the lead. Before jean knew it, his hands were pinned above his head, and Marco was sitting on top of him, sucking his sweet spot behind his ear. Jean let out a soft moan, and Marco took the liberty to stop there, and just lay next to his partner, panting. Marco relaxed for the first time in months.

“I love you too,”


	2. A Light in the Dark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its Blackout Season again... but there's an unwanted light in the attic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was hoping to upload this chapter mid-day but I didn't get home till rlly late -~- sorry babes I do hope you enjoy this slightly longer and more plot-thick chapter.

You’re going to love me  
And I’m going to love you

 

Jean awoke with a start in his own bed, rubbing his eyes. “what th… what the hell?” he mumbled as he sat up. 

1 unread message 

Jean picked up his phone, a strange feeling of guilt flowing through his body. Marco Bodt. He was positive it was real. 

Marco: I’m really sorry… Jean I don’t know if that was… Ugh  
Marco: did you really mean what you said?  
Marco: …

Jean cursed under his breath. Real, and confirmed. He was prepared, and he felt the same, but they would have to hide their illegal affections in Shiganshina, and that bothered Jean a little more than he could handle. His swirling head, the poison inside it, the poison of reality… It was the strangest feeling, feeling the way he felt for Marco. He couldn’t see the end to his own thoughts. He saw himself with his best friend, in the rain, the rain dripping off his lips.

Reality was so cruel

1 new message

Jean: Marco… you don’t even have to ask.   
Marco: I’m sorry if this complicates things…  
Jean: Marco I need you  
Jean: it’s weird. Sorry

Marco: can we go back to laughing? And… um... having fun like  
Marco: Together?  
Jean: Marco, why did you leave? I told you…  
Marco: I was afraid it was too good to be true and all  
Jean: I’m sorry  
Jean: I really do love you... Marco Bodt

Jean’s hands shook as he held his phone in his hands. I will love you till the end of time… to be honest, he was almost as afraid as Marco it had been a dream and that things were the same as before… what the hell were the odds? Jean’s mind was still cloudy, filled with a small lingering sorrow of the old days… It was dark again, and the freezing air rushed to meet him. That’s the third time this week… Jean dove back onto his bed, closing his eyes, waiting. 

*buzz… Buzzzzz…. *   
The TV sang for about 30 seconds before playing the message it does every time…

REMAIN CALM. POWER IN SHIGANSHINA HAS BEEN TEMPORARILY CUT-OFF. PATROL WILL ARRIVE WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS. DO NOT PANIC.

The goddamn government is probably… who knows. The blackouts always brought out something dark in Jean. The scowl on his face was fierce, hi brows furrowed, and a faint growl on his lips. “GOD-DAMMIT!” He burst out and then curled up of the floor in his Jean-y way. He continued to lay there till the apartment’s door let out a ‘knock knock knock’. Jean hastily opened the door, frowning. “You can suck it, bit- “Jean stuttered. “Marco… God, I’m sorry, I thought you were the patrol.” Um… “I brought pizza, jean” He smiled then, catching Jean in his moody mood totally off guard. “you’re the best. Hope you’re up for a game of COD”, he smirked. “sorry… the power,” Marco responded, sorrowfully. 

It began when they were seven. All of it, shut down. When the first shiganshina blackout occurred, an emergency message flowed across the tv’s of all, but panic still spread. People in the streets stopped and stared, and worried whispers of panic echoed. The most fretful of nights.

The fifth time, Jean was 10. He ran out into the street. The regular message rang, and Jean and his new best friends, Marco Bodt and Connie Springer stared at the sky in amazement. “how do they do it?! Complete darkness. Perfect hide-and-seek conditions…”

The 14th Blackout. This one was different. Usually, they brought confusion and darkness, but none like the terror that Jean Kirstein possessed that day. It was no big, deal, he was 15 and he wasn’t scared anymore. But that’s where he was wrong. He would’ve been terrified if he had only known… “mama… Papa… Please don’t…”

Jeans heart was cold, numb, he was disconnected. “Don’t go! I’ll never… I’ll never forgive you!!! Mama…”

Now, he was shaking. In his own room, his lover next to him. “Sorry… the power.” Marco kissed Jeans trembling lips. Jean collapsed under his weight, letting him become his blanket. The tension was so real. Things could’ve taken a heavenly turn… Dammit, Marco. I was just getting to the good part. He couldn’t help it. 1“Your hair smells like pizza,” Marco whispered, giggling in the process. Jean Jumped up, shielding his blond mess Marco had just called hair. “c-come on!” Jean blushed involuntarily. “You know you love it, Jean” Now it was Marcos turn to smirk. He made Jean forget about pain. He made jean forget about his parents, about all that he had endured, and the never-ending loop of stress he’s encountered since the day of the fourteenth. 

All forgotten. With a kiss. A touch. We never made it, we were defeated. We knew we had a reason. And we went straight to hell. The flaws in love, the remnants of a soul, forgotten with a word. Things that should’ve been kept secret. He was listening. Leaving. Straight to hell. Confused, darkened. When he talks I hear his ghost. We are none.

He was alright. It was okay. Jean was here in Marco’s arms, the morning sunshine dripping and saturated. Jean was here in his own bed, and Marco was staring at the newsman on the TV. Jean was here in his room, alone, asking himself the same thing he had only a week before… how the hell did I get here? 

It had been earlier that morning when Jean really was there, in his bed, Marco nuzzled between his chin and his knees. He turned over, grabbing at his phone. 

1 new message

Was it… Connie? Sasha? Nobody but the boy sleeping next to him really texted him…

Unknown Caller: Illegal activities in the dark? Flashlights exist, you know.  
Jean: What the hell?  
Unknown Caller: I saw 

The guilt and panic that filled his chest was heavy and sour, lingering forever, like the kisses Marco had left all over his body… There was a particular feeling of anxiety that cures its-self with a remedy… a quite unfortunate remedy. Sorrow. Duplicating the pain in his life. He wanted to go to heaven, but was human tonight. He could end it. Avoid it all. Easily. He could do it, he had the courage- not courage… it was will. He lacked courage. He didn’t do it, though, because of the body pressed against him, anchoring him to earth. Anchoring him to sanity. It was extremely complicated. It was impossible to explain, and still is.

So the sequence continued. Marco awoke and went to the table, where he watched the morning newsman go on and on about last night’s blackout and other events that had recently taken place in shinganshina. Continuing once more, Marco was gone, and the note on the table read  
went to work -Marco  
Jean sat with his hands over his face, brushing the hair from his face. Jesus… I’m so sorry Marco. The burning sensation of anxiety returned to its home in his stomach. The depressing mood took over. It swallowed him whole. 

Holy Fucking Shit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO THERES THAT  
> that was really hard to write omg I'm sorry  
> anywho I would love feedback since this is my first fiic, i'd love to know what I'm doing right and what I could use some work on so if you could leave me some in the comments :)


	3. Heaven and Hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So this is the longest chapter so far- Hopin to git longer ( ͡° ͜ ʖ ͡° )   
> ~  
> Pretty angsty, expect creepy things in the next chapter srry :0  
> ~  
> Basically baby Marco is super in love and Jean is like 99% angst  
> ~  
> Also Sasha is a potato poptart who is rlly clueless

It was a painful morning. A horrible, horrible morning. Jean wallowed in the trash heap that was his bed. Aspirin, the empty pizza box from the previous night, a pair of Jean’s skinny jeans and a sweatshirt, and his phone were scattered, and he sat in the middle of it all, face in his hands, silently in hell. _What the fuck is going to happen to me?_ He stared at the wall tilting his head back, thinking.

_I only wanted… One day I was going to stand with the crown on my head like a god… I was going to rule the world. My heart screwed up my brain. It screwed up my dreams._

Jean finally pulled on his skinny jeans and a t-shirt and headed over to work.

“Hey, Jean” Sasha winked as he entered the Starbucks.

“Hey.” 

Sasha turned and frowned, pausing and setting her side her cappuccino-in-progress. She tossed him his apron. “Come on, Barista bro! Cheer up,” she said, handing him a croissant and depositing money in the cash register. “You know, Sasha, you can’t keep taking the food, even if you pay for it,” Jean scolded her with a mouthful of fluffy pastry. “P.S… Barista bro? what the hell,” jean laughed slightly, and Sasha kicked him- you can guess where- as she smiled at an incoming customer.

Jean proceeded with fulfilling the orders flowing in from rushed men and women in suits and skirts. He couldn’t stop thinking… thinking about Marco… what would happen to him if… ‘What the hell, Barist- I mean- Jean!!!” Milk was spilling all over the counter, onto his shoes. “dammit!” Jean jumped back. “Sorry Sasha, I was deep I thought…” He drifted off again. “Silly jean,” She said, flicking some milk in his face. In addition, a roll of paper towels was thrown at him. _I need to get a grip…_ he though, hastily wiping milk from the floor with a wad of paper towels, and successfully spreading it all over the tile.

Jean knew that if his secret lover was revealed, he would swiftly and promptly be locked up. By the damned patrol. The shinganshina patrol was ruthless. People like Jean had been beaten on the spot, sometimes even to death. And if you weren’t dead by then, ten years to ‘reform’ in prison. And so would Marco. _Marco..._ The lights flickered inside his mind. Before his mind could get any deeper in thought, he focused on the peppermint mocha in front of him. Mix. Blend. Swirl. Jean relaxed a little, like he had the day Marco had confessed his love.

The day passed by without him.

His phone rang.   
His ears rang.  
His head pounded.  
His phone rang. 

No…

**One New Voicemail**

Jean clenched his fists and held in a scream. 

Jean picked up his phone, tracing the home button with his thumb. _play voicemail._

The phone was silent. 30 seconds of nothing. A raspy voice…

“Blackout.”

Jean’s scream was insane, and it pierced the air like a knife. The darkness was already there, thick and sweet, hot and terrifying. _That day… _Jean grasped in the dark, making his way into the kitchen. He was whimpering frantically, and gasping for air. His hand felt around on the counter. Jean’s breaths were shallow, as he gripped the cool knife in his hands. A creak. A small light slipped through the door. Footsteps. Soft, light… Horrifying. Anxiety creeped into his soul as he held the knife in front of him, straining to see the figure standing in the doorway… “Jean?”__

__“FUCK! MARCO!”_ _

__“Jean! Are you okay?”_ _

__“Fuck no, I’m not!”_ _

__“Jean. Calm down, tell me what happened. Please…”_ _

__The knife clattered to the floor as Marco’s arms wrapped around Jeans shoulders, sliding down to meet his shaking body on the cold tile. “Marco… you’re always there when I need you… why?” The muffled sound of the ‘Do not panic’ message playing in the other room was stabbing him, ringing in his ears… just like the explosion… It was so bright. The flames were engulfing them… _the flames… _“Marco!! You NEED to get out of here!”_ Jean screamed. _“Marco! S-save your-” The flames…___ _

____don’t go…_ _ _ _

___ _

___*_ _ _

___ _

___Marco looked down at him with a grave expression. “Jean… I’m worried about you. This keeps happening and I’m afraid you’re going to get hurt. You’ve passed out twice in two days, maybe we should take you to the hospital.” Jean nodded, relaxing into Marco’s hold._ _ _

___The scent of dead skin on a linoleum floor… it was overwhelming. Marco wearily walked over. “They’re just going to keep you overnight on a stabilizer. I have to go to work, but I’ll sleep on the chair in your room tonight if you want.” And with that, he left, his cinnamon cologne lingering in the air behind him. Jean was fucking terrified._ _ _

___However, it seemed there was nothing to be afraid of. The nurse came in with some coffee, etc., and she was actually really kind. Jean sipped the watery coffee in the creaky hospital bed. “Long day?”, he said to the seemingly distressed nurse. “No kidding, considering I just- never mind.” she laughed nervously, and he went back to sipping his coffee, the sunlight falling through the window onto the end of his bed. His eyes drifted…_ _ _

___It was really dark, and a streetlight outside his hospital window assured him it was only night. Jean’s freckled boyfriend’s body was curled up in the corner, and for a moment he only watched his chest rise and fall, longing for his comfort and his smile, for his warm eyes to meet his own. Jean drifted back into a sleep filled with dreams of the one he cared so much for…_ _ _

___The dreams however, did not last long. A dark figure. Heavy, quiet footsteps echoed. He was bending down, until his face was right next to Jean’s. His breath was hot, and Jean froze. “4038, 4:00 or everybody knows”. Jean could feel a grin creep onto the mans face. Jean squirmed frantically, gasping for air, trying to scream, but the silhouette was gone. The door closed softly, as if it was trying not to wake the sleeping lover in the corner. He couldn’t speak a word._ _ _

___“J-Jean, baby, whats wrong…” Marco rubbed his tired eyes. It was 2 am._ _ _

___“Nothing, Marco. Just a stupid dream”. But it wasn’t a stupid dream. Jean’s voice quivered, but he quickly dismissed himself from the conversation, letting the darkness lull them both back to sleep._ _ _

___Simple days ago he had been a loner with few friends, a rather average job, and a simple stupid apartment, trying to get through life. Now he felt like a fugitive in hiding, on the run, a criminal. A murderer who nobody suspected. The guilt of society was heavy on his weak shoulders._ _ _

___Marco thought differently. He thought that if nobody was around, nobody would know. They could be happy and they could be different. When they were alone, together, Marco thought their love was invincible and invisible. Uninfluenced by the ideas of society. Marco was in a dream. He needed jean. When he was close, marco forgot about the world. Instead, he focused on his lips. The sway of his body. His figure, and his hands, usually entwined in marco’s hair. He focused on how he shifted his hands from his fluffy head of hair to the nape of his neck, to his hips and sometimes his ass. He gripped his body like a steering wheel, directing him with every movement. Marco was in heaven. Jean was in hell._ _ _

___ _

___*_ _ _

___ _

___That’s right. Straight up, Jean was in hell. A hell he didn’t even know the worst of it yet. It wasn’t just the guilt and the sorrow and insecurity, or the isolation he felt when he hid his – Jean had no sense of security. If anyone knew… There would be a grave knock on his door. The patrol would pin him to a wall and chain his wrists together. The Patrolmen would scowl at him, look at him as if he weren’t a simple human. They would do the same to Marco. And he couldn’t handle that. So he waited. 4038, at four o’ clock. He waited._ _ _

___The darkness filled the streets. Again. Something was very wrong. Something was horribly, terribly wrong. This house was evil. He could feel it._ _ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok warning mild smut in the next chapter and super scare angst and eek I'm sorry aHHH  
> ~  
> Thank you all for your Kudos and comments and certainly for reading this :) I looove you

**Author's Note:**

> AH PRAISE YOU IF YOU READ ALL OF THAT it was a really short chapter but it was just kind of an intro type thing like to Jean and Marco's newfound relationship >:3 so expect more juicy and lengthy chapters after this one that should be 1,500-2,000 words. Thx bbys and ill update next tomorrow.


End file.
